The Strange Case of Benny Rogers, Pt. 8
“C’mon, Beattie, we gotta go, man!” I start heading back toward the car, and there’s another terrible racket in the alley. I see Tower jerk when she hears it, and she’s aiming at the alley, but her hands are shaking.
I take off with Beattie, and feel something hit my foot as we’re moving. I’m afraid it’s Mikey’s head so I don’t look.
We’re going, but Beattie’s kinda wobbling and woozy. I’m afraid if I go too fast he’s gonna fall. If he does, he’s on his own. I’m gonna fucking leave him here and beat my goddamn feet outta here.
“Gun … Tower ….” His voice is weak, and he sucks in a sharp breath, his eyes squeeze shut.
“Yeah, Tower’s got your gun, man, she’s coverin’ us — c’mon, we gotta go.”
We’re maybe ten yards from the alley where we left the car, and I’m starting to think about how the hell I’m gonna get Beattie in the car, when the walls are so damned tight to the doors. That’s when I look back. Tower screams when another trash can flies outta the alley on a wire and smashes against the wall opposite that bloody alley. She’s kind of whimpering, but I can hear that snuffling sound, that sniffing, pulling air sound. And then a shadow’s coming out of the alley.
I drag Beattie’s heavy ass over the concrete. I’m pretty much carrying him now, and can hear the toes of his shoes scraping the cement as I do. Just a few more yards from the opening. I pull, drag and it feels like I’m tied to a boulder.
Then I hear Tower scream behind me and the gun starts going off. Next thing I know she’s pushing Beattie’s other side up and we’re running, around the corner and bolting toward the car. I see then what I didn’t see before — there’s plenty of room away from the wall on the passenger side. Beattie tricked me so I’d think the car wouldn’t fit.
Bet he’s fucking sorry now.
Tower lets him go and tears open the door.
“Hurry! Hurry up! It’s gonna come after us!” She’s scared shitless, but she’s looking past me, toward the main alley.
I’m working like a sonuvabitch and finally dump Beattie onto the passenger seat, and just sorta kick his legs in. I slam the door and don’t give a shit if he gets his widdew toesies hurt, y’know? Fuck that. I push past Tower and dive into the back, and rip the door closed behind me. I sit up just in time.
Those red glowing eyes are staring at us from the other end of the alley. Then that horrible, spine-melting scream comes rattling the windows.
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You’ve made me wait another WEEK for this to draw to a conclusion? Sheesh… good thing my blood pressure is normal. What’s percolatin’ in that brain of yours for an ending?
I’m deciding which of the BRILLIANT endings provided I’ll use. Hm … hm.
Tower goes to start the cruiser but realizes that the car keys must have fallen out of her pocket somewhere in the alley. They wait for awhile until the monster gets bored and leaves them alone (or that’s what it appears to do) and then Tower and Benny get out of the car to look for the keys. They get about twenty/thirty feet from the car when the beast comes out of the shadows again and begins to chase them, where Benny goes on to push Tower to the ground and hightail it the fuck out of there. He runs all the way across town again and into the police station, where he then goes on to gives his statement how he didn’t exactly kill Tower, but he helped cause it. Then the cop who is questioning him makes Benny take him out to where the murder took place. It ends with Benny exclaiming, “Ya gotta be shitting me”
Yeah, that’s right.
It ends where it began.
Fool proof.
Wow, Max — that’s … that’s epic, dude. That ranks right up there with Bryce’s comments. I like that. The cycle restarting. An excellent idea. I’ll have to seriously consider that. Awesome. Thanks!
Oh, and speaking of Bryce … if you like ZOMBIES, you’re gonna LOVE his online serial Oasis. Check it out!
I guess it’s too much to ask for the horrible scary monster with color changing eyes to disembowel Benny and then have Beattie and Tower play double dutch with his intestines?
It might be a little trite, from a literary standpoint, yeah. I think it might detract from the tone of the piece. Although that whole chanting thing kids do while skipping rope can be pretty creepy ….
Hmm.. you’re right, too gory and a little on the unbelievable side. Back to the drawing board.
I like using my computer for writing, just a personal preference thing, but if I had a drawing board — and I did a few years back — I’d consider the suggestion, ’cause nothin’ else is working.
Man, I need to read what I write before hitting “Submit.” “Frightening” should have a period after it, not the word “good.”
Oh, stop it, you guys. I just asked myself how JDT is not going to end it.
And I actually had a babysitter that used to try to tell me scary stories so I’d stay in bed and be good. Only his stories were never very frightening good. No severed heads or anything.
Darn, no severed heads in your bedtime stories? How’re you supposed to grow a good horror writer like that? Puh-leeze, y’all.
Seriously, your ideas are MUCH better than mine. I like Kreestee’s “epic genius” description. I might use one of yours, although my buddy Sherri had better ideas than me too, and I was sure I’d use one of hers. Maybe I’ll have an audience participation thing and let you guys write the endings. We’ll vote on the best one. Thoughts?
I vote for evisceration in the next installation – as long as it’s present I’m happy.
Here’s my idea.. classic crappy psychology. Oh yeah, this has ABSOLUTELY no reflection on the *actual* Benny character. I have to preface it with the fact that my idea pales in comparison to Bryce’s epic genius.
Don’t feel bad — mine does too! Yikes, he’s a star!
Benny tries to commit suicide by throwing himself in front of a train but it fails like everything else he does. The ‘monster’ is his guilt for all the crap he’s done to fail the people in his life – Mikey, Beattie, and Tower. Maybe he’s a heroin addict or something, I dunno. The ‘alley’ is the twisted confines of his own mind – throw in some crazy ass symbolism or something.
LOL — I’d have to read-up on classic crappy psychology for the symbolism. Are you sure I can’t just make it more gory and leave it at that?
Thankyouthankyouthankyou for posting Installment 8 – you made me a very happy woman.
I’m grateful to you, too, for making me get off my duff and post. Now I have to heave myself off of it again to write something to finish this darned pesky thing.
I will bow to Bryce’s genius and just say, HOLY CRAP! This is good. It needs to be submitted for an anthology or something! I love this story. Constantly freaking me out but yanking me back to read more!
Thanks for giving me “CRAP”, Ben!
(j/k) I’m glad you’re liking this. And yes, even the FIST must bow to Bryce’s blinding brilliance. 
Idea #1 – Creature finishes off both cops and benny ends up getting the rap for it.
Idea #2 – Despite what he’s been telling us the audience, Benny is really controlling the beast.
Idea #3 – The creature finishes tearing them apart before they can drive off. Before he slips away, Benny sees the creature shape shift into himself and walk away.
Idea #4 – The creature disappears as the car pulls out into the bigger space and the more light of the avenue. There was never really anything there – just like the creatures under your bed, little billy.
As it ends up, Benny has been telling his son(billy) the story so that he’ll stop getting out of bed in the middle of the night.
Wow! Some pretty astounding ideas, Bryce! See, this is why I stopped calling myself a “writer”. None of that ever even occurred to me. Brilliant!