Comments for J. Dane Tyler

Comment on #FridayFlash: Shy Cowboy by J. M. Strother

J. M. Strother — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 04:19:34 +0000

I’d say you nailed awkwardness, embarrassment, shyness and nerves pretty well. I really felt for the guy.
~jon

Comment on #FridayFlash: Shy Cowboy by setasessential

setasessential — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 09:26:24 +0000

I can’t write worth beans myself, but I really enjoyed this. It’s sweet in an awkward “Hey, he reminds me of me back in the day!”-kind of way.

I’m glad you enjoyed it! If it brought back awkward, gawky moments for you, so much the better. Thank you for coming by and reading my work, and sharing your thoughts. Have a wonderful, blessed Christmas and New Year.

Comment on #FridayFlash: Shy Cowboy by Deanna Schrayer

Deanna Schrayer — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 19:53:56 +0000

I think you did a great job of showing his nervousness, and embarrassment. I feel sorry for him, poor fellow.
Great work!

Thank you Deanna. I appreciate the encouragement. Thank you too for reading and commenting. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!

Comment on #FridayFlash: Shy Cowboy by Taylor Beisler

Taylor Beisler — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 16:52:43 +0000

You definitely accomplished your goal! Great job. Really enjoyed it.

God bless,
Taylor J. Beisler
http://www.taylorbeisler.com

Thank you Taylor, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I also appreciate your time to read my work and let me know what you thought. Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and blessed New Year!

Comment on #FridayFlash: Shy Cowboy by Jaymie

Jaymie — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 16:43:15 +0000

Wow, this gave me some insight into my younger dating days. Poor boys! I think you really captured that shy cowboy’s plight. Left me wondering if he was kicking up dust in the field afterwards while replaying where things went wrong. The only place I was hung up reading was: “…pickup’s door screamed when he opened it. The wind knifed through threadbare denim…” I think the adjectives are strong enough to be distracting. I wonder if a simple “creak” and “cut” would play out differently. I don’t want the elements to steal the show – I want to stay with the adorable cowboy.

Thanks, Jaymie! I’m glad you liked it. There seems to be agreement about the verbs being too strong … which is tough to digest. But live and learn, I always say. Thanks for coming by and taking the time to read and comment. Hope you’re having a great weekend!

Comment on #FridayFlash: Shy Cowboy by Linda

Linda — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 01:40:34 +0000

Dane, I liked this version. Dialogue especially good, and the characters quite real. Your verbs are strong — very strong; remember, sometimes a laugh is just a laugh, the inside is as cold as the outside. I think if you tame some of your verbs, you’ll have a stronger piece. I love the yearning in this story. Peace, Linda

Thank you very much Linda. I’m glad you enjoyed it. The balancing act for me as a writer is knowing how to “tame” the verbs, but more importantly, when to do so. Part of me feels I’m going to be down to “See Dick run. Run, Dick, Run.” Oh well. No one’s perfect. Thank you for the honest feedback and most of all for the time to read and comment. I appreciate you spending it with me, ESPECIALLY if you read both versions.

Comment on #FridayFlash: Shy Cowboy by Jared

Jared — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 21:13:57 +0000

To me, ascribing sounds to objects got tiring and distracting. The door screamed, the heels thumped, the bell jangled. This would be nice if it were spread out over the piece, but to have so much assault you in two short paragraphs I found it very off-putting.

I enjoyed the story, but I felt like the story and the ending were completely separate. I didn’t find anything depressing in Jake and Ellie’s exchange, in fact I thought it was quite humorous. The harshness of the ending struck me as being somewhat strange. It felt like it didn’t fit with the jovial tone of the story.

Jared, thanks for the honest and blunt feedback. I appreciate your time.

Comment on #FridayFlash: Shy Cowboy by calliopespen

calliopespen — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 20:47:21 +0000

Once again, I agree with Sherri. Couldn’t have said it better myself:)

Well, I guess I stand corrected. We have consensus from two awesome writers.

Comment on #FridayFlash: Shy Cowboy by Al Bruno III

Al Bruno III — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:32:27 +0000

Great work sir. Very strong dialogue. Very real and grounded, If this had been one of my stories someone would have cracked a joke or turned into a werewolf.

Thanks, Al. I appreciate it. I was tempted to have a werewolf or dragon or something but that doesn’t get received well in my pieces for some reason. And Lord knows I’m not funny enough for jokes.

Comment on #FridayFlash: Shy Cowboy by Sherri

Sherri — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:00:05 +0000

I’m going to interject here (hope that’s okay) and say IMO it is a plot. He starts at the beginning of a plan, the plan unfolds (not the way he wants) and it ends at the conclusion of the plan. You’ve been labeling these as vignettes, but they’re really stories with a beginning, middle, and end. That’s how I see it, anyway. MAYBE it comes so effortlessly you don’t even realize you’re doing it.

I knew you were going to say that! You’re always there to make sure I see the story in the piece and I love it! LOVE IT!